The teacher's secret to staying sane...

What I am about to tell you is obvious. It is something that will not amaze you or put you in awe of my remarkable intellectual and creative abilities. What it might cause you to do is face-palm yourself if you are an educator and did not think of this before. There is a simple way to promote stress relief among teachers that doesn't require a miracle or a prescription. One of the teachers in your school, preferably one in each group of classrooms, needs to maintain a stress drawer. In that drawer should be one of the basic necessities of life: chocolate.

I cannot take credit for the stress drawer that I help maintain for my fellow 8th grade teachers. It was started before I got to the school. I do try my best to maintain it, though. Here is how it works: One individual with a lot of willpower, or who is not too negatively impacted by sweets, should clear out one drawer in a filing cabinet. That drawer should probably be in a lockable cabinet. Then, with the help and donation of other teachers, the drawer should be filled with comfort food. I have found a variety of Little Debbie and Hostess snacks to be the most economical and effective choices, although hitting the clearance aisles after a holiday can result in some very tasty options. Kit Kats seem to be the guilty pleasure of choice this year. All of the teachers in your group should know where the drawer is. When the day is going roughly, a quick run to the stress drawer can get you through the rest of the day.

This is not going to solve any educational issues in this nation. It certainly isn't a panacea (I've always wanted to use that word) for all of the difficulties faced by the modern educator. What it will do is give a small outlet for stress as well as create a social experience among the teachers. I received a message today from a fellow teacher in the school that she and her student teacher were facing a chocolate emergency. I sprang into action and made certain that they got the chocolate that they need and felt glad that I was able to bring a smile to their faces. See? I didn't even eat the chocolate and found some stress relief. I wonder if they have a stress drawer like this in the White House, Kremlin, or Parliament Building? Imagine the world crises we could solve!

How horrible of a husband am I?

I'm the most non-nutritious eater that the western world has ever seen. My breakfast consisted of an iced honeybun every morning for two years. This wasn't when I was a growing teenager. This was last year! My lunchbox has become the stuff of legend among my co-workers. What Little Debbie snack will he have in there now? How many will be in there? We took everything out one day at lunch and discovered nothing with any nutritional value whatsoever. If you ever wondered what the teachers did in the teacher's lounge when you were a kid, there it is! I feed my son better than I eat, although we do both have a weakness for fast food. Five Guys...yummm... I've never had much concern about my eating habits because I have always maintained a healthy weight. I rarely get sick. My cholesterol is good and I pass my yearly physical with flying colors. Lately, though, I've been worried about some of my eating habits. What has changed? My wife is on a diet.

My wife is a wonderful lady. She has never asked me to join her on the diet. She exercises daily and she loves it. I exercise momentarily and don't like it. She has never forced me to go to the gym with her. She has remarkable drive and willpower that I wish I possessed. The reason why I worry about my eating isn't because of myself, it is because of her. How terrible of a husband and I to still eat a normal supper while she has to eat this exceedingly healthy food? I have asked her again and again if it is okay, and she insists that it is. Still, I worry about the temptation that I must be placing on her. I don't find the sweetest, most delicious thing in the world and eat it in front of her while making sounds of delight or anything! Nevertheless, I will occasionally eat a nutty bar while I'm at home, and I worry if that angers her.

The thing that keeps me from joining her on her diet is the fact that I find all of her food incredibly nasty! She loves vegetables. I think that they are nature's practical joke on the taste buds. I believe that the purpose of a salad is to hold the delicious dressing for you. She can eat them dry. She thinks that brussel sprouts are amazing. I comb the internet searching for signs that this is the symptom of some greater illness. How do I support my wife when I am scared that her food is going to grow teeth and attack me?

I try to do whatever I can to support my wife. Really, I do. But I can't seem to make myself enjoy her dietary tastes. Does that make me a horrible husband?

featured image via abovethecrowd.com

So what's the point (of view)?

I love fads. They are the most human thing to ever experience. People suddenly turn into herd animals and abandon all common sense to follow the same fashion trend or food fad or television show. I love having a student tell me that they don't even know what a fad is and then walk away wearing the current fashion trend and using the current trendy language. And fads happen everywhere. I have watched them happen in popular literature a lot. Plenty of people like to point out and complain about the trends dealing with subjects for books. I have noticed a different trend. It is a trend of point-of-view.

I'm sure that most of you remember from your grammar classes the different points-of-view. Well, up until recently most books and stories were written from a third person point-of-view. All that you ever saw were the words he, she, they, etc. However, once an author or two wrote best sellers from first person point-of-view, the new fad began. Now there are first person books everywhere. Does it really matter?

I honestly do believe that point-of-view matters. It truly impacts the reader's interaction with the characters and the stories. So which one is better? Who am I to answer that? I think it depends on the story, the characters, and the writer's ability to connect with their audience. Third person opens up a huge world of possibilities. You are telling your story from a god's-eye view. Everything that happens at any place or any time can be detailed for the reader. You can choose that you share and what you hide. You can give excellent, detailed descriptions of people, objects, places, and anything else that you feel is relevant to the story. However, it doesn't give readers that up-close, intimate relationship with a character. It has also been done to death!

First person gives reader's almost unfettered access to a character's world. They see whatever the character sees. There can be a virtual-reality feel to it if you have truly engaged your reader. It harkens back to travelling bards telling their tales to an audience about their own journeys. Unfortunately, first person means that you have to limit your story to things that the narrating character sees or experiences themselves. This can be a confining situation. Also, if not done well, it can be as exciting as hearing the roll called in class during a famous 80's movie about skipping school (if you do not get this reference, you probably just need to stop reading my blog now).

So which should you use? Try both! Write two different beginnings to your story: one with third person the other with first person. See which one flows best. Ask yourself if either style is going to prevent you from being able to tell your story or possibly make a character less appreciated. Whatever you do, get opinions from other people! You are writing for an audience, not just for yourself. Remember, whether you choose he and she or I, it needs to be because you think it will help your story. Don't do it because it's the current trend. Trends always die. Good writing is forever.

P.S. If you choose first person, remember that the narrator can be more than just a storyteller. You can make them a friend.

P.P.S. If you chose third person, there is still a lot that you can hide from your readers. God's-eye view doesn't mean that you have to reveal everything!

Waiting on inspiration...

Yesterday I visited a new blog being written by a young lady in college. She enjoys writing, but that is not the full-time career she is pursuing. Instead, she is currently majoring to be an elementary school teacher. You can read the post that caught my eye here https://mycollegeodyssey.wordpress.com/2015/01/13/back-on-track/ This blog post reminded me a lot of a question that I and other veteran teachers get asked pretty regularly: would you recommend teaching as a career to a student today? Everyone has their own opinion. Many of us that are cynical will reply that we would never recommend this career to someone today because of the current political climate of "blame the teacher" or whatever difficulties are going on in their local district. Still others, almost with tears in their eyes, will reply that it is the greatest job you could ever have because you get to see the light in children's eyes as they learn. I'm not denigrating or disagreeing with either of these answers. Sometimes it depends on the grade level that you teach. Sometimes it depends on the school you teach in. Sometimes it even depends on what time of day you ask the question.

So, as a teacher, what would I answer. My answer is that it depends on who you are. This career is not for everyone. There are those that believe that anyone can be qualified to be a teacher. There are even those that believe that teaching shouldn't be a career, but instead something else you do after you have a lot of experience in another field. I say that people who subscribe to those beliefs haven't been in charge of a classroom. The truth is that teaching requires a special type of person that has a very specific kind of patience. It isn't necessarily the patience to do your grading or deal with upset parents or politicians making policies that pile more onto your workload, although that patience is necessary as well. You have to be the kind of person that has patience to wait for inspiration.

Inspiration for a teacher usually comes from only one place: our students. Better pay would be wonderful. More respect from policymakers would be glorious. If you get into the field of education for either money or respect than you will not remain long, even if those things were in abundance. You have to be in education for your students or you will not stay. I don't mean that your entire life should center around your students. Heaven knows that teachers usually sacrifice their social lives for their careers. I mean that when the day is over and the lights are off and you are trying to find that blissful sleep, you should be able to bring a smile to your face because of something that a student has said for you. Some teachers are fortunate enough to find these little bits of inspiration every day with their students. A lot of the teachers of higher grade levels find the inspiration a little more rarely but just as powerfully when they receive a note, letter, e-mail, or contact from a former student that wants to thank them for some long forgotten gesture that helped steer that student in a new direction. This must be the fuel that keeps you going each day.

So whether or not I would recommend this career to someone depends on who that someone is. Are they someone who can wait for that inspiration? There are times when you might go for a full year or two before finding that inspiration again. Do you have the patience to stick it out, put everything you can into a school year that might be stressing you to inhuman levels, and still push your students towards success? If that one letter can inspire you for years, if that one smile or flicker of understanding can get you through the day, then welcome to the Teacher's Club. Our dues are steep, but membership definitely has its privileges.

We are all stories in the end...

As I was folding laundry today (does it never end?), I turned on the television to have something to watch. I turned on an episode of Doctor Who and I heard the Doctor say something that I loved. "We are all just stories in the end." That line says so much to me. There are so many things that can be taken from that line that can affect both life and writing. Most people tend to think of stories as fiction that takes us away from life. Looking through a bookstore that appears to be true. However, think of all of the stories that you tell about friends and family. Think of the stories that you tell to friends and family. What about the stories that they tell about you? This is an untapped resource of ideas and revelations for writing about. Obviously, you don't have to tell the full story as non-fiction, but instead use it as a basic idea or premise for something larger. Your source of ideas becomes infinite.

It is in life that I truly find the most wisdom in this saying. We are all just stories in the end. What is your story? My grandparents are gone. I tell many stories of them whenever I get the chance. My grandmother had an obsession with the Wendy's chain of restaurants. She once wrote a thank you letter to Dave Thomas for creating the 99 cent value menu. The story of her eating at the drive through usually leaves people in tears with laughter. My grandfather got run over by a parked car. I'm not kidding! He actually did! The story would be nowhere as meaningful if he hadn't told me about it himself in his matter-of-fact style. Though they have both been gone for over a decade, I know that they remain here whenever I tell one of their stories.

What is the story that you leave? Will it be a drama, tragedy, mystery, thriller, or comedy? Who will tell it? Everyone thinks of their legacy. As you grow older you often do things to try to secure your legacy. I'm less worried about that. Legacies are told by those that know of you, though they do not know you. Stories are told by those that have been there with you and seen you at your best and worst. They are shorter, more memorable, more personal, and more enduring. With each action you make, remember that you are creating your story. It may be told. It may wind up being written by someone with talent you have not yet realized. We can't spend all of our time second guessing ourselves or worrying about other's images of us, but we can still help shape our own stories. We are all just stories in the end.

Does it matter where they come from?

I try to provide the most useful advice that I can to anyone that is interested in writing. I usually do that because I am hoping to get advice in return. I'm certainly no expert, so anyone asking me for help can no doubt help me as well. If there is one piece of advice I find myself giving out often it is that well-developed characters can make the difference between a bad story and an amazing story. The actual story can be a little lukewarm, but great, well-developed characters can make it something that people will remember.

One of my classes has to put up with me trying to teach them some creative writing skills, and the first thing that I do is stress the importance of characters. Part of the multi-day lesson is showing them a character profile that ask questions like the character's name, age, greatest strength, greatest weakness, etc. I tell them that when they write, they should be able to fill out a character profile for all of their major characters in order to make them more three-dimensional and believable. I make them fill out a character profile on themselves as practice. Once we have done that, I show them a few minutes of a movie that most of them are familiar with and have them all do a profile on the same character. We were doing this particular exercise and I noticed a problem- a significant number of my students did not answer (or did not seriously answer) the question in the profile about where the character was from. The movie never said it specifically, but there were hints dropped and characteristics that should have given it away. Those hints and characteristics were not caught by all, and in desperation to complete the assignment several students wrote next to the category "Birthplace" answers like "a hospital," "Planet Earth," and the every puzzling "IDK." I required students to give different answers to these questions. I could hear them mumbling to themselves a question that I asked myself after class was finished. Does it really matter where a character was born?

It is remarkably easy when writing to go overboard with the details. Some professional authors are masters at being detailed to such an amazing degree that you can see, hear, and taste everything going on in their books. These detail masters are rare. Most writers that begin going into great detail eventually bore their readers. Is it too much detail to mention the birthplace of all of the major characters? I'm sure that my students think so, and I don't blame them at all. I don't blame them because they are right. If a writer goes into great depth about all of the details of every major character's life, hopes, and dreams, their book would be the size of an encyclopedia set and no one would likely read past the introduction of the first character.

So why did I make these students redo their answers? Because it is still important. I would never expect a story to contain all of the details in the character profile within its writings. The character profile isn't for the reader. The character profile is for the writer. Whenever you are writing a story, your characters need to be as real to you as the people in your life. You don't need to know the details of their lives so that you can write about their lives. You need to know the details of their lives so that your character will have the same actions, reactions, logic, illogic, passion, and apathy of real people. If you don't know and love (or love to hate) your characters, how can you expect your readers to?

Does it matter where a character comes from? I suppose that depends. If you believe that the characters in a story can make the difference between mediocre and exceptional writing as I do, then yes you need to know where the characters are from, as well as a great many other details about them. If you think that the characters are just there as part of the story, then don't worry about where they are from. I'll probably still read your work, but I'll probably only do it once.

Cut paper with scissors...and laugh!

Several years ago, my principal sent a video to the faculty to help us start the day with a smile. The video was a simple one in which a baby is sitting up and is being handed pieces of paper. The baby would tear the paper and then laugh with such glee that you can't help but join in. I've watched the video hundreds of times over the years and I still love it. The baby finds such joy in something as commonplace as ripping paper. I have watched my son find the same simple pleasure with scissors and paper. He can spend long periods of time making cuts in pieces of paper with a pair of scissors. He loves it. It actually became a problem. We had to lock up the scissors in the house so he wouldn't cut up all the paper in the house! I watched the video of the baby today and thought about the joy my son can find in cutting paper. Have we lost that ability to find simple pleasure like that as we've become adults? I will go ahead and answer that question. We can certainly still find the simple pleasures as adults. Two words: bubble wrap. I have had to separate some friends when they were arguing over who was going to get the bubble wrap from a package. For me, it is the perforated spiral-bound notebook paper. Whenever students turn in assignments with that perforated paper, I can't not tear off the ragged edge at the perforation. I don't know why I enjoy that, but I do. Yes, we adults can still find the simple pleasures.

What I think that we can't find is appreciation of those simple pleasures. Sure, we will pop the bubble wrap or tear off the ragged edge of the paper or dissolve the Styrofoam peanuts or whatever brings you that simple pleasure. What we no longer seem to be able to do as adults is carry the joy from that action beyond the moment. We can pop those bubbles and feel that stress relief, but then we step right back into our office or get out our phone and turn the stress meter right back up. I am as guilty, if not more guilty, than most. I'm not like my son who can walk away from cutting a piece of paper with a big smile on my face. Even when I am finding some joy in a simple action, I often don't allow that joy to take control of my emotions enough to smile. I think that we all miss out because of this.

Grab a piece of paper and some scissors. Mix some baking soda and vinegar. Draw a funny stick figure. Whatever it is you do, don't be like me. Let that joy show on your face. Giggle like that baby and make your day, and the day of everyone around you, that much better.

Here is a video similar to the one I mentioned. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RP4abiHdQpc

Why not watch it and then share what your simple pleasure is?

This hurts me more than you...

(While I think that this goes without saying, I will point out that when I am referring to discipline, I am referring to logical, proportional, and constructive discipline. Abusive actions are exactly that, no matter what terms you try to couch them in, and have no place in society.) We have all been in the store and seen the outburst. Some child is throwing a tantrum or being downright rude to their parents. The parent just sits there and says nothing or seems to respond very meekly. Even if we don't say it aloud, most of us judge that parent in our minds as weak and unable to establish the proper family roles. Well, I'm here to tell you that...you're probably right. However, I say that not in harsh judgement to those parents, but in sympathy for their thoughts.

Why are so many of us frightened of disciplining our children? No, this is not some diatribe about political correctness run amok or some perfect parent looking down his nose at others. As I have mentioned before, I still do not consider myself a "father," but instead a "father-in-training." I only have one child, and, no, his behavior isn't perfect. Obviously, I have no great standing from which to judge others. What I do have are experiences and the ability to empathize with different situations. That doesn't mean that I don't think that they shouldn't change, but I at least know why they started. I love my son more than anything. Everything that I do at all times of the day is for him. I know that is typical of parents. It is part of our biology. Unfortunately, that has created a situation in modern society where we are afraid to discipline our children.

The problem goes something like this: today's society is so fast-paced that every moment of our day is precious. Any disruption of the daily routine can bring about a string of problems that adds to our stress and we often do not have the time or means to deal with that extra stress. Having to deal with a child's misbehavior is one of those disruptions. For example, my wife and I are very strict with how much and how often our son is allowed to play video games. Because of this, he values that video game time greatly. If he misbehaves in a way that calls for it, we take that video game time away from him. When that happens, it can create a disruption in our routine in which we must make certain that he does not violate that punishment and that he has things to do to fill in that time (yes, that includes outside play and reading, which he already does a lot of). This prevents me from being able to focus on other things that I need to do that day and it is a ripple effect. In the end, I think the discipline can cause more difficulty for me than it can for my son. There is also the fact that, no matter what we tell them, every parent cares if their child is angry at them. As adults, we can distinguish between liking and loving someone. Children can't. So when a child is angry at you and yells that they don't love you, they really mean that they don't like you at the moment...but that knowledge doesn't make it hurt any less. I am very fortunate that I haven't run into this with my son, but I dread the day when it might happen.

The solution? Well, some parents end up using the solution that you see in the store. When disciplining their child is more of a punishment to the parent, they simply don't discipline the child. While some of us may see the disruptive child as a horrible disruption, it is less of a disruption to that parent than the discipline might be. It is a short-term solution to the problem that works...in the short-term. The real solution is one that is hard to accept. If the discipline of the child is more of a punishment for the parent, the parent just needs to accept that punishment. Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. You are going to have to accept the difficulties. We all say that we would die for our children. What we need to do is show that we will stress for them. The discipline will make your life difficult for a while, but the first time that you see your child make the right decision on their own, it is worth it. If you are upset by your child's reaction to your discipline, go to their room after they are asleep, kiss their forehead, and tell them that you love them. They won't hear it, but you will. Trust me, it helps. Make short-term sacrifices for long-term gains. It's hard, but it's worth it.

Be logical and proportional in your discipline, but discipline your child. Remember when your parents said "This hurts me more than it does you?" They were right. Thank them for it.

5 ways of ending an idea drought

Nothing is more devastating than running into a complete roadblock when you are trying to think of good ideas for a story or book. Humans are storytellers. We love to spin a yarn about all kinds of things. Sometimes we want to be scared, other times amazed, and still others we like to be reminded. Some of us, though, like to do the scaring, the amazing, and the reminding. For some of us, it is almost like a high when you are sure your audience is reacting to your words. It is also an unbelievable low whenever you can't find the words to say. I'm probably not the best person to be creating this short list of place to look for ideas since I'm not a best-selling writer or anything, but I firmly believe that all of these things can work, and work well.

#1 Read, read, and then read some more!

Never steal another writer's ideas. There is nothing more low among writers than the pilfering of another's thoughts. However, reading someone else's work provides you with some great new perspectives. The style of writing may help push you towards a new approach. One of the characters may mention something that you are unfamiliar with, and in researching what it is, you may find something that spurs a storyline. You may find a concept that you think needs more exploration. You may even come up with a completely spontaneous storyline that you had never considered before and may never have thought of if you hadn't taken your mind off of things by writing. In the end, there is very little downside to this suggestion.

#2 Talk, listen, then talk some more!

As I have already mentioned, people are storytellers. We spend all day telling stories of some kind or another. That is the nature of being social animals. If you can't seem to find a story to tell in your writing, it is time to get around some other people and start telling stories. Once again, I am not suggesting that you try to steal some of their ideas. You are looking for inspiration. So many things in our regular interactions can inspire. Just remember that as often as you speak, you also need to listen. Get out of your isolation and interact.

#3 Open your eyes, you fool!

Look at the world around you. I mean really look. There are things that happen all of the time, right under our noses, that are remarkable. Sometimes you don't even need to move in order to see them. Have you ever watched a speck of dust floating in the air? Have you thought about where it came from and how it came to be in the middle of your living room? How does it get where it is going? What has it seen? Is it watching you, too? Just think, you may have found the inspiration for a unique story all because you forgot to buy Pledge at the store. Just think of what you might find if you venture out of your house!

#4 Turn up the radio!

Very little spurs emotions among humans more than music. Why else would the various MP3 players be so remarkably successful? Why not sit down, turn off the computer, and just listen to the radio for a while. Let the songs take you away from the stress of writer's block and everyday life for a few minutes. Come back to your writing quest refreshed, ina different mood, and with a different outlook. Even if you are like me and usually listen to NPR, the stories you hear can really get your mind working and put you back on track to starting, continuing, or completing that story you are looking for.

#5 Write something!

"If I could write something, Slater, I wouldn't be reading this stupid list now would I?" I said something, as in "anything." Write a limerick. Write a short story. Write a blog. Change your Facebook status. Write a chronological list of your day's activities. Whatever it is, just write it down! If you crumble it up and throw it away afterwards, that is still one thing that you have written. You have broken the drought. The only thing that overcomes defeat is success, no matter how minor that success is.

An idea drought can be devastating to anyone that considers themselves a writer. Don't let it wipe out your hopes or plans. There are always methods to dealing with an obstacle. You can go around it. You can go over it. With appropriate application of force, you can go through it! What you can't do is sit down in front of it and declare "You win."

Is this how teachers are seen?

A co-worker and friend of mine posted a link that showed a group of three young ladies on the Queen Latifah Show. They were reciting a performance poem that dealt with a great many subjects from a teenage perspective. I will not pretend that I was not impressed by them. Their performance was well done, their message was well worded, and I know how much their words rang true to so many teens. I would have been proud for them to have been my students. However, one of the last things that they said really bothered me. The line was something along the lines of "The teacher never fails. Only you do." Maybe it bothered me more than it should, but I can't seem to get this line out of my head. It isn't just because a group of intelligent young ladies said it, but because the audience of adults did not dispute it. Is this how teachers are seen? I guess that I should point out that I have been a teacher for about 13 years or so. It is the only profession I have ever desired to pursue ever since I started college. I won't deny that I can often look at education through rose-colored glasses. I also will freely admit that I have worked along with teachers who should not have been in the profession, either through a lack of professional skill or a lack of interpersonal skills. I can say that I have been privileged to work along with some teachers that are dedicated almost to a fault. I have watched them sacrifice so much for the good of their students and never expect, and oftentimes never receive, anything in return. So where is this idea that a teacher is shielded from failure and it is all put on the student from?

I am certain that part of the answer to the question comes from the act that the performance was being given by teenagers. I do not, in any way, mean that as a condescension. The simple truth is that any teenager has not experienced being on the other side of the desk. I had not when I was a teenager, and I know that fact colored some of my opinions and thoughts of different teachers that I had. Experience often changes perspective. The three young ladies show a lot of intelligence, and I would hope that just as I respect their point of view, they would be willing to acknowledge and respect a point of view born of experiences they do not yet have.

While I can respect the point of view of these three young ladies based on their current experiences, I have a lot of trouble with the fact that adults in this country have followed a similar perspective of late. There are often editorials, online comments, calls to talk shows, etc. in which people speak as though teachers do great disservice to their students and don't care because supposedly the teacher can't fail, but the student can. I have read Facebook posts that have claimed that teachers actively try to undermine their students. I have heard far too often that teachers care only about collecting a paycheck and protecting their "lavish" benefits and will throw their students under the bus to do it. All of this is said because it is believed that teachers can't fail. They just fail their students instead. All of those that think that need to see me before I go to sleep every night. They would learn that they are dead wrong.

I have watched other teachers put enormous amounts of extra time and effort into helping students that are struggling. I have done the same. I know of teachers that show up over an hour early every morning and stay an hour late every afternoon to offer assistance to struggling students that want to succeed. They receive no extra pay for this and rarely receive recognition for it, but they do it every day, every year. I have seen teachers facing illness and injury that return to work sooner than is healthy for themselves because they want to be there to assist and guide their students. I have witnessed myself, every night, second-guessing whether I have done enough for the students in my charge. Yes, a student can fail. Their failure can show up on a report card or by not being promoted. A teacher can fail, too. Sometimes its by loosing their job. More often, it is by the worry they feel for their students and the gnawing sensation that even though you did more than was asked and as much as you humanly could, maybe you could have found a way to do more.

Is this how teachers are seen? Do we take the few teachers that don't show the skills or concern and paint the entire profession with the same brush? I hope not. If we can look at three teenage girls and see that they have a message that we can all learn from, surely we can look at our children's teachers and see people who aren't perfect, but that are determined

Do we make our own (un)luck?

Today made me think a lot about my most unlucky day of the week. I hate Thursdays. I have hated them for many years. I've tried to figure out why and I believe that I have a theory. When I was in elementary school I was in a gifted children program. We met every day of the week except on Thursdays. On that day, we had to go to the regular reading class. I didn't mind that, except that it always seemed like the reading teachers wanted me to make up the entire week's work on that one day. Thursdays have been my most unlucky day ever since. The only thing more frustrating than being at work on a Thursday is not being at work on a Thursday. You can't take a long weekend and you have to go back to work for that one day before the weekend. It's like one giant tease. I am sure that you have heard all of the sayings about how we create our own luck. I don't buy into that premise 100%, but if we do in fact make our own luck, does that mean we make our own "unluck" as well? People talk about being unlucky. Is it a choice that we make? Is Thursday usually a tough day for me because I decide that it is?

The sad truth is that if you are reading this hoping that I am about to give you some great answer and insight and wisdom, I'm afraid that you are going to be disappointed. I have seen too much to figure out any absolute. I have seen people who have done everything that they can to work hard and prepare themselves fall down to bad luck while at the same time someone who couldn't care less find remarkably good fortune. I have also seen people power their way through bad luck to reach whatever success they want to achieve. So what do you think? Do we make our own "unluck"?

I do know this- my chances of winning the lottery increase dramatically if I buy a ticket.

So when am I...

I've been thinking a lot lately about labels. More importantly, I've been thinking about labels that we give ourselves. When am I a (insert label here)? I know that we can all relate to this whether we really think about it or not. Name one person that has gone through their teenage years and into their twenties without asking themselves "Am I an adult now?" So how do you know when you are something? Does it really matter if you can apply that label to yourself or not? I know that I have asked myself questions about my own status with many labels. Am I a teacher? Am I really a husband? Am I a father? Am I a writer? Part of my mind tells me that the answers to these things should be obvious because others change that status for us. When a principal hires you, doesn't that make you a teacher? When the preacher pronounces you man and wife or the doctor tell you that it's a boy or girl, doesn't that automatically make you a husband or father? Another part of my mind argues against this. It would be the same as someone else changing your relationship status on Facebook. Don't I get to choose that?

I wondered for a while if I would get to think of myself as a teacher. Getting a job as a Social Studies teacher can sometimes be a very difficult thing. My first two jobs were both interim positions, and I couldn't make myself believe that I was a teacher knowing that I wouldn't necessarily be back in the classroom when the new year started. Like many others, it took a long time after the vows for it to truly sink in that I was married. Still, there came a point in time that I stopped asking myself if I fit the label of a teacher or husband. Maybe it was after the first student thanked me for teaching them...or after I thanked them for teaching me. At some point, I never wondered if I was a teacher anymore. I simply knew that I was. Maybe I accepted that I was a husband when I realized I didn't care where I wound up, as long as I wound up with her we could find a way to make it work. As for the label of "father", I think that we all need to change that permanently to "father-in-training." I doubt we ever truly will stop learning how to be a father...myself especially.

I guess that, in the end, I have found that these labels are very important, but only to ourselves. Some of my friends and family call me a writer, but I still don't label myself that. I don't think that I have earned it. They argue about it with me, and I don't think that it matters to them the way that it matters to me. Anyone could have labeled me a husband, teacher, or father just by looking at public records. However, I didn't consider myself worthy until a certain point, and I still just consider myself a father-in-training. I think that we need to give ourselves these labels as a way of finding our own self-worth. As for when the labels truly apply...I think that if you are still asking yourself, then the label doesn't apply yet. Only when you truly stop worrying about a label do you truly become whatever it is that you seek.

Wow...that's almost deep...I think I better take a nap now.